Quotes from an Emotional Cheater

Remembering it all, one bullsh*t line at a time

“…At first I thought you were everything I was looking for.”

“…At first I thought you were everything I was looking for. You were perfect. And then that thing happened…And what I suppressed was the overwhelming desire to break up with you then.”

[Late June, 2012. M telling me he’d felt like we had issues for at least a year–which he’d never mentioned to me–and that’s why he was acting the way he was with H]

“You sound like my mom.”

“You sound like my mom.”

[June 2012. M’s response to my asking him if he could look at me when I was talking to him so we could have an adult conversation about what was going on between him and H]

“I disagree. I think you’re an extremely jealous person.”

“I disagree. I think you’re an extremely jealous person.”

[June 2012. M in response to my telling him that I’m not normally a jealous person, which meant to me that something about his relationship with H was off]

“I see it as a matter of maintaining…”

“I see it as a matter of maintaining healthy boundaries with all my relationships. That’s why I can’t do what you’re asking for from me regarding H.”

[June, 2012]

“You keep saying I’m keeping secrets…”

“You keep saying I’m keeping secrets, but I don’t think of it as secrets. It’s sensitive information that has nothing to do with you, and isn’t useful for you to know.”

[June, 2012]

“…Are you talking about the parts I’m not playing in?”

“…Are you talking about the parts I’m not playing in? You mean the boring parts?”

[Re: orchestral music. Various times from 2008-2012]

“Oh, something was happening there?”

“Oh, something was happening there? …I wasn’t paying attention. You know, I usually tune out when I’m not playing my own part. Everything else is obviously insignificant.”

[2011. M often expressed his disdain and boredom with the parts in symphonies that had nothing to do with the brass, or his own bass trombone part, usually in a joking fashion. It was funny, until it became apparent that he wasn’t joking, and that it didn’t just apply to music]

“I’m sorry, I can’t do that.”

“I’m sorry, I can’t do that. It violates my healthy boundaries.”

[Early June, 2012. M telling me why he couldn’t either 1. spend less alone time with H late at night, or 2. communicate more of their ‘private’ conversations to me.]

“You’ve said that you think…”

“You’ve said that you think I’m actually jealous of my douchebag cousin because I secretly want to act like him, but I disagree. I’m actually a nice guy, unlike him. I would never treat women as badly as he does… I actually respect women and try to understand them, not just use them.”

[June-ish, 2012]

‘H told me that [the other bass trombonist in the Band]…”

“H told me that [the other bass trombonist in the Band, who had a girlfriend] propositioned her last year, one night when they were on tour and they got really drunk alone together…He said, ‘You know, H, we’ve been good friends a long time, and we have a really great time together, and we spend a lot of time alone,¬†and let’s just have some fun tonight.’ H said he apologized the next day, and it hasn’t happened again. But it sort of disappoints me, and makes me think he’s not actually a nice person like I thought he was. …Because nice people don’t do things like proposition other girls when they have girlfriends.”

[April 2012, a couple of weeks after M met H, and they started hanging out, talking, and getting drunk alone together every night]