Quotes from an Emotional Cheater

Remembering it all, one bullsh*t line at a time

Category: Narcissistic Personality Disorder

“You’re so strong and independent…”

“You’re so strong and independent, I didn’t think you would mind [all the time/effort/etc. I’m putting into H]”

[June, 2012]

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“I think you need to just put H behind us…”

“I think you need to just put H behind us and focus on what we can do for the present.”

[June 2012. M was still spending hours with H on a daily basis, and refused to change anything he was doing with her]

“Maybe this is wrong to be thinking…”

“Maybe this is wrong to be thinking this way, but I keep hoping that when all this is over, someday, you’ll be there waiting on the other side of it all.”

[July 2, 2012, the day M asks me for a ‘trial breakup’, and then waffles on it]

“…On the contrary, I think that my taking a risk…”

“…On the contrary, I think that my taking a risk and asking you to come and live with me, and actually going through with the move, is proof of just how dedicated and committed I was to us, and to making this work.”

[June, 2012]

“I see it as a matter of maintaining…”

“I see it as a matter of maintaining healthy boundaries with all my relationships. That’s why I can’t do what you’re asking for from me regarding H.”

[June, 2012]

“You keep saying I’m keeping secrets…”

“You keep saying I’m keeping secrets, but I don’t think of it as secrets. It’s sensitive information that has nothing to do with you, and isn’t useful for you to know.”

[June, 2012]

“…Are you talking about the parts I’m not playing in?”

“…Are you talking about the parts I’m not playing in? You mean the boring parts?”

[Re: orchestral music. Various times from 2008-2012]

“Oh, something was happening there?”

“Oh, something was happening there? …I wasn’t paying attention. You know, I usually tune out when I’m not playing my own part. Everything else is obviously insignificant.”

[2011. M often expressed his disdain and boredom with the parts in symphonies that had nothing to do with the brass, or his own bass trombone part, usually in a joking fashion. It was funny, until it became apparent that he wasn’t joking, and that it didn’t just apply to music]

“You’ve said that you think…”

“You’ve said that you think I’m actually jealous of my douchebag cousin because I secretly want to act like him, but I disagree. I’m actually a nice guy, unlike him. I would never treat women as badly as he does… I actually respect women and try to understand them, not just use them.”

[June-ish, 2012]

‘H told me that [the other bass trombonist in the Band]…”

“H told me that [the other bass trombonist in the Band, who had a girlfriend] propositioned her last year, one night when they were on tour and they got really drunk alone together…He said, ‘You know, H, we’ve been good friends a long time, and we have a really great time together, and we spend a lot of time alone, and let’s just have some fun tonight.’ H said he apologized the next day, and it hasn’t happened again. But it sort of disappoints me, and makes me think he’s not actually a nice person like I thought he was. …Because nice people don’t do things like proposition other girls when they have girlfriends.”

[April 2012, a couple of weeks after M met H, and they started hanging out, talking, and getting drunk alone together every night]