“…At first I thought you were everything I was looking for. You were perfect. And then that thing happened…And what I suppressed was the overwhelming desire to break up with you then.”
[Late June, 2012. M telling me he’d felt like we had issues for at least a year–which he’d never mentioned to me–and that’s why he was acting the way he was with H]
“I see it as a matter of maintaining healthy boundaries with all my relationships. That’s why I can’t do what you’re asking for from me regarding H.”
“I’m really sorry… I feel really bad that I didn’t look into this before you moved here.”
[M apologizing for not double-checking to make sure I could be put on his lease before I moved all my stuff to DC. (I couldn’t.) He’d been so distracted with H that he didn’t think to make sure of the logistics, simply telling me that he’d talked to management and it would be fine.
Consequently, I had to live there for a month without a key of my own, and M and I were completely dependent on each other to get in and out of the building, which was hard when he was often late–because he was spending time with H.
M didn’t try to help me look for other apartments where we could both be on the lease even after I moved there.]
“…You don’t THINK you’re trying to control me. But you are.”
“I’ve thought about going to therapy since the breakup…Well, I haven’t gone yet because I need to make sure that it’s not going to jeopardize anything at work…I’m not going to go if it’s going to make me look bad to my colleagues.”
[Late July, 2012]
“Yes, I’ll totally go to a relationship therapist or counseling if you think it’ll help us. I’m down for it. But I don’t want to end up in a situation where we end up getting sucked into going like seven or eight times. Once or twice is fine.”
[Late June, 2012]
“All of my friends were like, oh, that’s too bad for —– that you guys broke up, because she moved and everything, but don’t worry about her, she’s a big girl, she can take care of herself.”
“I think now that we had issues before I became friends with H. We had some real incompatibilities, like how we deal with problems…. I do think we’d discussed them. I know I said I could work through them. I just didn’t know that I’d change my mind and wouldn’t want to after I moved to DC.”
[One week post-breakup]
“It’s clear to me now that this was a good thing. Because I haven’t done anything nice for myself since I’ve been out of bootcamp, like buy a nice TV or anything. And now that I have a good job in a city I like, with enough money, it’s time for me now to enjoy being single and not have responsibility or obligations to anyone.”