Quotes from an Emotional Cheater

Remembering it all, one bullsh*t line at a time

Category: Fear of committment

“Maybe this is wrong to be thinking…”

“Maybe this is wrong to be thinking this way, but I keep hoping that when all this is over, someday, you’ll be there waiting on the other side of it all.”

[July 2, 2012, the day M asks me for a ‘trial breakup’, and then waffles on it]

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“…At first I thought you were everything I was looking for.”

“…At first I thought you were everything I was looking for. You were perfect. And then that thing happened…And what I suppressed was the overwhelming desire to break up with you then.”

[Late June, 2012. M telling me he’d felt like we had issues for at least a year–which he’d never mentioned to me–and that’s why he was acting the way he was with H]

“I see it as a matter of maintaining…”

“I see it as a matter of maintaining healthy boundaries with all my relationships. That’s why I can’t do what you’re asking for from me regarding H.”

[June, 2012]

“I’m really sorry… I feel really bad…”

“I’m really sorry… I feel really bad that I didn’t look into this before you moved here.”

[M apologizing for not double-checking to make sure I could be put on his lease before I moved all my stuff to DC. (I couldn’t.) He’d been so distracted with H that he didn’t think to make sure of the logistics, simply telling me that he’d talked to management and it would be fine.

Consequently, I had to live there for a month without a key of my own, and M and I were completely dependent on each other to get in and out of the building, which was hard when he was often late–because he was spending time with H.

M didn’t try to help me look for other apartments where we could both be on the lease even after I moved there.]

“You don’t THINK you’re trying to control me.”

“…You don’t THINK you’re trying to control me. But you are.”

[Mid-June, 2012]

“I’ve thought about going to therapy since the breakup…”

“I’ve thought about going to therapy since the breakup…Well, I haven’t gone yet because I need to make sure that it’s not going to jeopardize anything at work…I’m not going to go if it’s going to make me look bad to my colleagues.”

[Late July, 2012]

“Yes, I’ll totally go to a relationship therapist…”

“Yes, I’ll totally go to a relationship therapist or counseling if you think it’ll help us. I’m down for it. But I don’t want to end up in a situation where we end up getting sucked into going like seven or eight times. Once or twice is fine.”

[Late June, 2012]

“All of my friends were like…”

“All of my friends were like, oh, that’s too bad for —– that you guys broke up, because she moved and everything, but don’t worry about her, she’s a big girl, she can take care of herself.”

“I think now that we had issues…”

“I think now that we had issues before I became friends with H. We had some real incompatibilities, like how we deal with problems…. I do think we’d discussed them. I know I said I could work through them. I just didn’t know that I’d change my mind and wouldn’t want to after I moved to DC.”

“It’s clear to me now…”

[One week post-breakup]

“It’s clear to me now that this was a good thing. Because I haven’t done anything nice for myself since I’ve been out of bootcamp, like buy a nice TV or anything. And now that I have a good job in a city I like, with enough money, it’s time for me now to enjoy being single and not have responsibility or obligations to anyone.”