Quotes from an Emotional Cheater

Remembering it all, one bullsh*t line at a time

Category: Emotional unavailability/Lack of committment

“I thought if I brought up taking a trial-breakup in the morning…”

“I thought if I brought up taking a trial-breakup in the morning, we could talk about it rationally and it would be less emotional. …Our conversations about H lately have all just been so emotional. Why can’t you just not get emotional?”

[July 2, 2012]


“I think you need to just put H behind us…”

“I think you need to just put H behind us and focus on what we can do for the present.”

[June 2012. M was still spending hours with H on a daily basis, and refused to change anything he was doing with her]

“Maybe this is wrong to be thinking…”

“Maybe this is wrong to be thinking this way, but I keep hoping that when all this is over, someday, you’ll be there waiting on the other side of it all.”

[July 2, 2012, the day M asks me for a ‘trial breakup’, and then waffles on it]

“…At first I thought you were everything I was looking for.”

“…At first I thought you were everything I was looking for. You were perfect. And then that thing happened…And what I suppressed was the overwhelming desire to break up with you then.”

[Late June, 2012. M telling me he’d felt like we had issues for at least a year–which he’d never mentioned to me–and that’s why he was acting the way he was with H]

“I’m really sorry… I feel really bad…”

“I’m really sorry… I feel really bad that I didn’t look into this before you moved here.”

[M apologizing for not double-checking to make sure I could be put on his lease before I moved all my stuff to DC. (I couldn’t.) He’d been so distracted with H that he didn’t think to make sure of the logistics, simply telling me that he’d talked to management and it would be fine.

Consequently, I had to live there for a month without a key of my own, and M and I were completely dependent on each other to get in and out of the building, which was hard when he was often late–because he was spending time with H.

M didn’t try to help me look for other apartments where we could both be on the lease even after I moved there.]

“…Doesn’t it seriously concern you that once…”

“…Doesn’t it seriously concern you that once there was a time when I would have done anything and everything for you, and now I’m not willing to?”

[Mid-June 2012, after I first asked M if he could either tone it down with H or be more transparent about his relationship with her]

“do you for sure…?”

Pre-move text message:

“do you for sure want to keep your book cases?”

“All of my friends were like…”

“All of my friends were like, oh, that’s too bad for —– that you guys broke up, because she moved and everything, but don’t worry about her, she’s a big girl, she can take care of herself.”

“It’s clear to me now…”

[One week post-breakup]

“It’s clear to me now that this was a good thing. Because I haven’t done anything nice for myself since I’ve been out of bootcamp, like buy a nice TV or anything. And now that I have a good job in a city I like, with enough money, it’s time for me now to enjoy being single and not have responsibility or obligations to anyone.”

“I want to be with you…”

“I want to be with you… but I don’t want to keep hurting you.”