Quotes from an Emotional Cheater

Remembering it all, one bullsh*t line at a time

Category: devaluation

“You’re so strong and independent…”

“You’re so strong and independent, I didn’t think you would mind [all the time/effort/etc. I’m putting into H]”

[June, 2012]

“My relationship with H has nothing to do…”

” My relationship with H has nothing to do with my relationship with you…That’s why I don’t feel like what I’m doing with her is wrong.”

[June 2012]

“…At first I thought you were everything I was looking for.”

“…At first I thought you were everything I was looking for. You were perfect. And then that thing happened…And what I suppressed was the overwhelming desire to break up with you then.”

[Late June, 2012. M telling me he’d felt like we had issues for at least a year–which he’d never mentioned to me–and that’s why he was acting the way he was with H]

“I see it as a matter of maintaining…”

“I see it as a matter of maintaining healthy boundaries with all my relationships. That’s why I can’t do what you’re asking for from me regarding H.”

[June, 2012]

“You keep saying I’m keeping secrets…”

“You keep saying I’m keeping secrets, but I don’t think of it as secrets. It’s sensitive information that has nothing to do with you, and isn’t useful for you to know.”

[June, 2012]

“…Are you talking about the parts I’m not playing in?”

“…Are you talking about the parts I’m not playing in? You mean the boring parts?”

[Re: orchestral music. Various times from 2008-2012]

“Oh, something was happening there?”

“Oh, something was happening there? …I wasn’t paying attention. You know, I usually tune out when I’m not playing my own part. Everything else is obviously insignificant.”

[2011. M often expressed his disdain and boredom with the parts in symphonies that had nothing to do with the brass, or his own bass trombone part, usually in a joking fashion. It was funny, until it became apparent that he wasn’t joking, and that it didn’t just apply to music]

‘H told me that [the other bass trombonist in the Band]…”

“H told me that [the other bass trombonist in the Band, who had a girlfriend] propositioned her last year, one night when they were on tour and they got really drunk alone together…He said, ‘You know, H, we’ve been good friends a long time, and we have a really great time together, and we spend a lot of time alone,¬†and let’s just have some fun tonight.’ H said he apologized the next day, and it hasn’t happened again. But it sort of disappoints me, and makes me think he’s not actually a nice person like I thought he was. …Because nice people don’t do things like proposition other girls when they have girlfriends.”

[April 2012, a couple of weeks after M met H, and they started hanging out, talking, and getting drunk alone together every night]

“No, H and I don’t correspond every day…”

“No, H and I don’t correspond every day… No, she doesn’t send me videos or pictures. And when she does, it’s usually just of cute animals and stuff.”

[June, 2012. M denying that H was 1. corresponding with him every day, and 2. sending him personal and ’embarrassing’ home-videos of herself doing things like rapping.

The pictures and videos of ‘cute animals’ she was sending him were often 1. videos of animals having sex with each other, or 2. videos and pictures of her cat and dog, which she’d often accompany with a message such as ‘This is what you’re missing right now by not being here at my place’]

“I’m really sorry… I feel really bad…”

“I’m really sorry… I feel really bad that I didn’t look into this before you moved here.”

[M apologizing for not double-checking to make sure I could be put on his lease before I moved all my stuff to DC. (I couldn’t.) He’d been so distracted with H that he didn’t think to make sure of the logistics, simply telling me that he’d talked to management and it would be fine.

Consequently, I had to live there for a month without a key of my own, and M and I were completely dependent on each other to get in and out of the building, which was hard when he was often late–because he was spending time with H.

M didn’t try to help me look for other apartments where we could both be on the lease even after I moved there.]