Quotes from an Emotional Cheater

Remembering it all, one bullsh*t line at a time

Category: Control

“If I have to choose between eating everything I want…”

“If I have to choose between eating everything I want and feeling totally gross afterwards, or not getting to eat everything I want–I’d definitely choose to eat everything I want, and just accept that I’m going to feel awful afterwards. There’s no question.”

[June 2011, trip to California:  Warning signs of being a cake eater]

“I thought if I brought up taking a trial-breakup in the morning…”

“I thought if I brought up taking a trial-breakup in the morning, we could talk about it rationally and it would be less emotional. …Our conversations about H lately have all just been so emotional. Why can’t you just not get emotional?”

[July 2, 2012]

“I think you need to just put H behind us…”

“I think you need to just put H behind us and focus on what we can do for the present.”

[June 2012. M was still spending hours with H on a daily basis, and refused to change anything he was doing with her]

“Everyone in the Band tells me that dating within the Band…”

“Everyone in the Band tells me that dating within the Band is looked down on, and you shouldn’t do it, especially if you’re different ranks, because it’s a form of fraternization–unless it’s really serious, or you’re going to get married or something. And then you have to be really careful and keep it secret until you get serious.”

[Feb, 2012]

“I’ve asked around the Band about H and I dating, and they all tell me not to worry about anything, or it being secret, and that we’re not doing anything wrong, and that it actually happens quite often–that people in the Band get involved with each other.”

[Sept, 2012]

“Maybe this is wrong to be thinking…”

“Maybe this is wrong to be thinking this way, but I keep hoping that when all this is over, someday, you’ll be there waiting on the other side of it all.”

[July 2, 2012, the day M asks me for a ‘trial breakup’, and then waffles on it]

“…At first I thought you were everything I was looking for.”

“…At first I thought you were everything I was looking for. You were perfect. And then that thing happened…And what I suppressed was the overwhelming desire to break up with you then.”

[Late June, 2012. M telling me he’d felt like we had issues for at least a year–which he’d never mentioned to me–and that’s why he was acting the way he was with H]

“You sound like my mom.”

“You sound like my mom.”

[June 2012. M’s response to my asking him if he could look at me when I was talking to him so we could have an adult conversation about what was going on between him and H]

“I disagree. I think you’re an extremely jealous person.”

“I disagree. I think you’re an extremely jealous person.”

[June 2012. M in response to my telling him that I’m not normally a jealous person, which meant to me that something about his relationship with H was off]

“I see it as a matter of maintaining…”

“I see it as a matter of maintaining healthy boundaries with all my relationships. That’s why I can’t do what you’re asking for from me regarding H.”

[June, 2012]

“You keep saying I’m keeping secrets…”

“You keep saying I’m keeping secrets, but I don’t think of it as secrets. It’s sensitive information that has nothing to do with you, and isn’t useful for you to know.”

[June, 2012]