Quotes from an Emotional Cheater

Remembering it all, one bullsh*t line at a time

Category: codependency

“Maybe this is wrong to be thinking…”

“Maybe this is wrong to be thinking this way, but I keep hoping that when all this is over, someday, you’ll be there waiting on the other side of it all.”

[July 2, 2012, the day M asks me for a ‘trial breakup’, and then waffles on it]

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“…On the contrary, I think that my taking a risk…”

“…On the contrary, I think that my taking a risk and asking you to come and live with me, and actually going through with the move, is proof of just how dedicated and committed I was to us, and to making this work.”

[June, 2012]

“…At first I thought you were everything I was looking for.”

“…At first I thought you were everything I was looking for. You were perfect. And then that thing happened…And what I suppressed was the overwhelming desire to break up with you then.”

[Late June, 2012. M telling me he’d felt like we had issues for at least a year–which he’d never mentioned to me–and that’s why he was acting the way he was with H]

“I see it as a matter of maintaining…”

“I see it as a matter of maintaining healthy boundaries with all my relationships. That’s why I can’t do what you’re asking for from me regarding H.”

[June, 2012]

‘H told me that [the other bass trombonist in the Band]…”

“H told me that [the other bass trombonist in the Band, who had a girlfriend] propositioned her last year, one night when they were on tour and they got really drunk alone together…He said, ‘You know, H, we’ve been good friends a long time, and we have a really great time together, and we spend a lot of time alone, and let’s just have some fun tonight.’ H said he apologized the next day, and it hasn’t happened again. But it sort of disappoints me, and makes me think he’s not actually a nice person like I thought he was. …Because nice people don’t do things like proposition other girls when they have girlfriends.”

[April 2012, a couple of weeks after M met H, and they started hanging out, talking, and getting drunk alone together every night]

“No, H and I don’t correspond every day…”

“No, H and I don’t correspond every day… No, she doesn’t send me videos or pictures. And when she does, it’s usually just of cute animals and stuff.”

[June, 2012. M denying that H was 1. corresponding with him every day, and 2. sending him personal and ’embarrassing’ home-videos of herself doing things like rapping.

The pictures and videos of ‘cute animals’ she was sending him were often 1. videos of animals having sex with each other, or 2. videos and pictures of her cat and dog, which she’d often accompany with a message such as ‘This is what you’re missing right now by not being here at my place’]

“I’m really sorry… I feel really bad…”

“I’m really sorry… I feel really bad that I didn’t look into this before you moved here.”

[M apologizing for not double-checking to make sure I could be put on his lease before I moved all my stuff to DC. (I couldn’t.) He’d been so distracted with H that he didn’t think to make sure of the logistics, simply telling me that he’d talked to management and it would be fine.

Consequently, I had to live there for a month without a key of my own, and M and I were completely dependent on each other to get in and out of the building, which was hard when he was often late–because he was spending time with H.

M didn’t try to help me look for other apartments where we could both be on the lease even after I moved there.]

“I’m not sure exactly what’s accounting for…”

“I’m not sure exactly what’s accounting for these strong feelings of wanderlust all of a sudden…but I think you’ll find that these feelings are going to just be as beneficial to us [as they’re being to H].”

[Early April, 2012]

“I don’t understand why, if you’re not even here…”

“I don’t understand why, if you’re not even here, and H calls me to go do something fun with her, why I can’t go out and do those fun things and enjoy myself instead of sit at home alone and be bored or lonely.”

[Mid-June, 2012]

“Not only do I think that most people…”

“Not only do I think that most people appreciate random niceness more than nothing, I think you’re the only person I know who doesn’t”

[March 2010, Text message M sent me after I kept turning down his numerous offers to do ‘nice’ (but ultimately not-helpful) things for me]