Quotes from an Emotional Cheater

Remembering it all, one bullsh*t line at a time

Category: Addiction to the Enabler

“I think you need to just put H behind us…”

“I think you need to just put H behind us and focus on what we can do for the present.”

[June 2012. M was still spending hours with H on a daily basis, and refused to change anything he was doing with her]


“Everyone in the Band tells me that dating within the Band…”

“Everyone in the Band tells me that dating within the Band is looked down on, and you shouldn’t do it, especially if you’re different ranks, because it’s a form of fraternization–unless it’s really serious, or you’re going to get married or something. And then you have to be really careful and keep it secret until you get serious.”

[Feb, 2012]

“I’ve asked around the Band about H and I dating, and they all tell me not to worry about anything, or it being secret, and that we’re not doing anything wrong, and that it actually happens quite often–that people in the Band get involved with each other.”

[Sept, 2012]

“You keep saying I’m keeping secrets…”

“You keep saying I’m keeping secrets, but I don’t think of it as secrets. It’s sensitive information that has nothing to do with you, and isn’t useful for you to know.”

[June, 2012]

‘H told me that [the other bass trombonist in the Band]…”

“H told me that [the other bass trombonist in the Band, who had a girlfriend] propositioned her last year, one night when they were on tour and they got really drunk alone together…He said, ‘You know, H, we’ve been good friends a long time, and we have a really great time together, and we spend a lot of time alone, and let’s just have some fun tonight.’ H said he apologized the next day, and it hasn’t happened again. But it sort of disappoints me, and makes me think he’s not actually a nice person like I thought he was. …Because nice people don’t do things like proposition other girls when they have girlfriends.”

[April 2012, a couple of weeks after M met H, and they started hanging out, talking, and getting drunk alone together every night]

“THOSE e-mails that H and I sent?”

THOSE e-mails that H and I sent? I don’t consider those sexual at all. …I consider that as just ‘witty banter’. I need outlets for ‘witty banter’ in my life. I think we are never going to see eye-to-eye on this.”

[September, 2012]

“I’m not sure exactly what’s accounting for…”

“I’m not sure exactly what’s accounting for these strong feelings of wanderlust all of a sudden…but I think you’ll find that these feelings are going to just be as beneficial to us [as they’re being to H].”

[Early April, 2012]

“I was feeling better about us up until…”

“I was feeling better about us up until the last time you called and got mad at me that I was at H’s apartment eating before the movie… Sure, we started an hour late, but she always cooks something for me, I don’t understand why it’s such a big deal… Anyways, after I left, all I could think of was that you’re my ball and chain.”

[Mid-June, 2012]

“Does it not show you how much I care…”

“Does it not show you how much I care about you, that I put my own health in danger by coming over [when you were sick]? …I know you didn’t ask me to, but I think you should still appreciate how much I was sacrificing for you.”

[Jan 2010, after I told M to stop trying to ‘take care’ of me during our friendship. We had been friends for two years]

“…I appreciate you not telling me…”

“…I appreciate you not telling me to stop being friends with H. I was really miserable before I met her.”

[Early April, 2012. One week after M met H and they started hanging out for multiple hours everyday]

“I’ve thought many times…”

“I’ve thought many times since we broke up, that if only you’d been okay with the interaction and friendship H and I had, that we’d still be dating right now.”